Masonic, Occult and Esoteric Online Library
H.P. Blavatsky As I Knew Her
By Alice Leighton Cleather
Chapter 2
'"PHIS Lodge was formed after H. P. B. had moved to * 17, Lansdowne Road, London, W., and at first, like the T. S. constituted at Benares in 1879, was on an esoteric basis, with degrees, and diplomas for those degrees. When I became a member its weekly meetings were my Red Letter days. They were held in the evening, and admission for non- members was by card of invitation. Many such came to see, hear, and be heard. On one occasion some crank had obtained admission in order to air his own views. He waited for his opportunity, and, once having secured a hearing, started in on what promised to be a portentously dull exposition of some queer would-be philosophical theory of his own so far as I recollect. H. P. B. stood it for a few minutes, and then, to the consternation of the chairman a very conventional person raised her voice in a stinging and sarcastic rebuke to the effect that people were invited to the meetings of the Blavatsky Lodge to listen to her views i.e., to Theosophical teaching not to air their own. Tableau ! The rooms were packed, and the crest-fallen and discomfited protagonist had to edge his way out as best he could.
It was at this time, about 1887-8, that I lost the friendship of Mr. and Mrs. Sinnett, who had from the very first treated me with so much courtesy and kindness. They would neither of them ever consent to listen to myexplanation of what had occurred. Incidentally, however, it showed me that [neither of them really believed in H. P. B., or in the powers she possessed. Often I used to go to their house in Ladbroke Gardens (London, W.), on Mrs. Sinnett's " At Home " day Tuesday and take Lansdowne Road on my way back to the station, en route for Harrow. On one occasion I went to Mrs. Sinnett's rather earlier than usual. There was only a sprinkling of people present, and I was sitting on a sort of wide ottoman, with some one else dos a dos. At the moment I was not talking to anyone, but Mr. Sinnett was holding an animated conversation with the person behind me. Naturally I could hear nearly all he said, but not much of the replies made. He was speaking, with evident feeling, about the futility of H. P. B having come to London and started another Lodge.
I should mention at this point that, when the Blavatsky Lodge was formed, he issued an ingeniously worded notice to the members of his " London " Lodge, to the effect that any who wished to join the new Lodge could leave his ! Quite half the members, including myself, promptly left. How could we hesitate for a moment between H. P. B. and Mr. Sinnett ? The idea was grotesque, and only a man completely blinded by his own colossal egotism could ever have failed to see it. I can remember well, on the afternoon in question, that such palpably obvious jealousy of H. P. B. astonished me very much ; also it seemed to me not a little ill-bred and indiscreet to exhibit it so publicly. It was my first lesson in the extraordinary pettiness and narrow- mindedness of many of those who in early days received exceptional and priceless privileges at H. P. B/s hands.
After I left the " At Home," I went on to Lansdowne Road to return a book the Countess had lent me, allowing myself time to catch the train for Harrow. H. P. B. was then working practically from 6 to 6, with breaks only for meals. I thought myself safe, as it was only 5.30. Not at all; as I was passing through the hall on my way up to the Countess's room, I heard H. P. B.'s voice (the door was slightly ajar) : "Is that you, Alice, my dear ? " Hardly waiting for any reply, she continued : " Come in, come in." Now I had been wondering on my way from the Sinnett's exactly what might happenif H. P. B. " sensed " where I had been. So I wasnot at all surprised when she turned round from her desk and, in her most winning manner, said : " And where haveyou been, my dear ? " Then I immediately realised that the fat was indeed in the fire ! "To Mrs. Sinnett's At Home, H. P. B. " I replied. " Ah ! and whom did you see there ? . . . " proceeding to put me through a long inquisitorial process. Had I spoken to Mr. Sinnett ? "Ah! And what did he say ? " etc. My replies became more and more lame and confused ; but finally, when she actually asked me if her name had been mentioned, I plucked up courage. Here at least I was sure of my ground, and, my worldly training coming to my aid, I boldly said " Yes," but that it was all too confused for me to be able to recollect clearly what had been said, and other similar ambiguities. Atthis she feigned to be quite angry, and dismissed me with " Well, if you won't tell me, I shall look in the Astral Light and find out for myself ! " I well knew what she would discover there, and that she would " see " the replies to Mr. Sinnett's remarks which I had failed to catch. I rushed up to the Countess and told her whatH. P. B. had said, but, being in a hurry to catch mytrain, I did not tell her what I had overheard at the Sinnett's "At Home." The Countess had only cold comfort to offer me, for she declared that H. P. B. wouldcertainly "look," if she had said so. And we both knew, too, of her power to do what she threatened.
The sequel was. somewhat startling. I went up as usual on Thursday for our Lodge meeting in good time, for I was all agog to find out if anything had happened, or if H. P. B. had dismissed the whole thing from her mind. Again, on my way upstairs, she called me in, and announced triumphantly that she had looked in the Astral Light, as she said she would; and she forthwith " read " it all off to me, not only what 1 had heard, but with all the gaps filled in as well. The Countess had a very serious face, when I went on up to her room, aiid said : " Yes," H. P. B. had written down the whole thing that same evening (Tuesday), and had sent it. off at once by a messenger to the Sinnetts. Early on Wednesday morning they had both come round and enquired of the maid who answered the door whether I had been there the previous afternoon. Hearing that I had, they went off immediately, without seeing, or asking to see, anyone. That settled it,, in their minds: I had of course been round and " reported " (like a veritable spy) all I had heard. So, at least, it must have appeared to them ; and from that day they practically struck me off the list of their acquaintances, without even giving me the opportunity of explaining.
The worst part of it all, to me, was the discovery that neither of them really believed (a) in the Astral Light and its properties ; or (6) in H. P. B.'s power to " read " in it. Or, if they believed the former, they clearly doubted the latter. It was a great shock ; for rather, so it seemed to me, did they prefer to think I had intentionally made mischief, proving that they credited me with bad breeding and ingratitude if no worse.
The whole incident was in itself a severe blow to my belief in human nature and in the value of friendship. But I needed the lesson, for at that time I was far too credulous and trustful, in an unintelligent and undiscriminating way ; particularly where people who had been kind to me were concerned. But, as the Master K. H. wrote to a correspondent (Miss F. Arundale, then Hon. Secretary and Treasurer of the London Lodge) in the early eighties : " Learn then to look at men below the surface, and to neither condemn nor trust on appearances." (Letters from the Masters of Wisdom, No. xx, p. 62.) This I had at least to try and learn, even if I could not actually succeed in doing so. That splendid impersonality which was, to a pre-eminent degree, H. P. B.'s, is a quality of the Soul and hard to attain by lesser beings (for women, indeed, almost impossible !) inhabiting a world where as she wrote of the West " Men think that their own likes and dislikes of other men and things are guiding principles for them to act upon, even when they do not make of them the law of their lives and seek to impose them upon others." (Practical Occultism, p. 19).
Others have written at such length, and with such a wealth of detail, of the marvels they saw H. P. B. perform that, even had I anything new to relate on these lines (which I have not), merely to chronicle such " signs and wonders " is, as I see it, somewhat barren of good and lasting results. H. P. B. did not come to dazzle our senses with such " feats." She came to show us ourselves ; our weaknesses, perhaps. Yes, but above and beyond all else, to show us our inherent god-like potentialities. And ever she insisted that the only path thereto was the practice of Brotherhood, to " live the life," which is and has ever been the sole condition for becoming one with the " God within."
During this period, before the formation of the Esoteric School and the publication of The Secret Doctrine, so much was always happening, so much emerges from my memory, so many, and such varied incidents, that it is difficult to know what to select. Many of her pupils have written of H. P. B.'s methods of dealing with them ; for instance, Countess Wachtmeister writes : " I have no doubt now that the difficulties I experienced in getting access to Madame Blavatsky, and the delays that occurred before she came to the point with me, were calculated, and were of the nature of a probation, but I had no suspicion of this at the time." Exactly my own case ; and I can here give another characteristic instance of such dealings.
An index was of course required, and was being prepared for The Secret Doctrine, for which many helpers were needed. Naturally I volunteered, and was given a number of page-proofs to deal -with, as my share. I was quite elated, and felt that now I was really going to be of some use. I gave up hours a day to the work, and declined many otherwise most desirable (at that time they were so) engagements. For weeks I toiled at this new and somewhat- uncongenial task, imagining I was acquitting myself quite creditably. I may have been ; I never knew. A couple of days after I had sent the MS. up to Lansdowne Road I was there myself. H. P. B. called me into her room and, pointing to my not inconsiderable pile of MS. which lay on her desk, she flicked it contemptuously with her beautiful forefinger saying " This is not in the least what I wanted, my dear ; it won't do at all." Thereupon she tore the sheets across and flung them into the waste paper basket. I nearly wept ; but she took no further notice of me. Later I discovered that Indexing is an art, and that I knew nothing whatever about it. This little experience was, however, extremely good for me at that early stage.
The Blavatsky Lodge meetings were generally kept up till quite late in the evening, and had it not been 14 for H. P. B.'s personal kindness I should often havehad to leave early, in order not to miss the last train backto Harrow. She made me stay the night many a time, and sleep on the bed-sofa in her sitting-room (the inner drawing-room), close to the door leading into her tiny bedroom, and up against one of its walls. How often did I try to remain awake all night, feeling convinced that I should " see " much. But No, when midnight approached sleep became imperative, and I always had to succumb ; never could I keep myself awake after midnight, andH. P. B. would never explain why ; though, later, she told us once that " Master goes His ' rounds ' at midnight," which threw some light on the reason of myenforced sleep at that hour. She was then referring to the students of the newly-formed E.S., who had practically pledged themselves to Him, and was emphasising the necessity for all of us to be " in bed and asleep before midnight." Another thing she once said, I remember, was that one hour's sleep before midnight was worth four after it; owing to some magnetic change which takes place in the earth as midnight sweeps round its surface.
